Suzy’s Place

We’re going through a struggle in our home right now with the concept of responsibility with MsGeek. She’ll be turning 17 in just a few short weeks and has yet to start driving.

I’m very adamant that my kids will have a job before they even learn to drive. Nowadays the cost of driver’s training is close to $300, car insurance rates are shot through the roof with teen drivers, and the price of gas? We’ll just leave it at that.

But the main reason I’ve set this “rule” in place is for the simple idea that in order to drive, you need to be responsible. To prove responsibility (and the sheer desire to want to drive), you should have a job.

MrJ is convinced that MsGeek completely lacks responsibility! No, she hasn’t bothered looking for a job during the entire year that she’s been “employable”. Does that make her irresponsible? I don’t think so.

MsGeek is the queen of the tubas in her high school Marching Band. She takes this commitment seriously, has never missed a scheduled function or practice, and as section leader does her job very well. She cares for her instrument, her uniform, and her team.

Being that I work at home and conduct conference calls and webinars in the evening, MsGeek is always willing (when she’s able) to help with her little brother and sisters - making sure they stay out of trouble, etc.

When it comes time for her to “hang out” with her friends, I don’t worry about her. She has a great head on her shoulders, conducts herself in an appropriate manner and makes smart choices for herself and her friends.

Doesn’t all this add up to being a responsible young lady? I think it does. Is she ready to drive? No. She knows the “rule” about having a job, and if she doesn’t choose to have a job, then she’s choosing not to drive. Sure, it makes my life a little harder in carting her around to band practice and such, but I’m kind of enjoying being the “band mom”.

I often wonder if it’s a matter of the differences between the way MrJ and I grew up. I didn’t start working until I was 17, and didn’t start driving until I was 19. MrJ on the other hand started working with his father at the age of 12 and was driving the old pickup truck around his grandpa’s farm at about the same time.

What is your definition of “responsible” when it comes to your children? How much should we expect of them at this age? Does your experience as a teenager affect the way you define responsibility? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Suzy’s Place is essentially a mommy’s blog, hosted by me, Suzy.  Here I share my thoughts and views on life as a mom, being a wife, working at home, and various other insignificant things that happen within my insane life.  If you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it, I encourage you to get your daily dose of insanity by subscribing to my updates!

MsGeek and I just got back from meeting with a representative of NMU (that’s Northern Michigan University) to talk about the possibilities of MsGeek heading off to college there.

We still have a year to go, but it’s time to get serious about making these decisions. I’m torn between excitement for her and knowing that my little girl is growing up on me. I’m hoping that I’ve done everything I can to prepare her for the real world, and knowing that a year is not enough to catch everything I may have missed.

I’m happy and sad and excited and scared… and I can’t show it all. I want her to be excited. I want her to be pumped about the whole idea and I want to do everything I can to support her. But she’ll be so far away!

Aren’t these milestones bittersweet?

Confess!  Go ahead!  We all do it! If you're a parent, when your first child was born, you swore you wouldn't be like your parents.  Hey, I admit it.  I did the same thing.  My parents drove me crazy at times, and there were very specific things that I swore I wouldn't do.

The first thing that comes to mind is the "Because I said so!"  I admit, I've done it.  It just gets to the point that you don't have an answer that a 5 year old will find logical.  So we revert to that ever handy declaration that I'm the boss, and you're not, so just listen to me!

Another thing I decided to do differently was to have a reason before I just said no.  And as MsGeek and MiniMe reach their teen years and have more going on in their lives than I do, I find this one a challenge at times.  Am I saying no simply because I'm too tired or lazy to deal with the logistics of hauling a group of their friends to the movies?  Or is there a real reason buried in there? 

I take this one pretty seriously and think before I say no.  They still  don't like the "no" answer, but I think this strategy really helps in minimizing the rebellion.  I usually have good reasons when I do say no, and it's not just "because I said so."

For instance, MsGeek wants to go to a sleep-over birthday party for her friend who is turning 16.  Well, I know her friend and her family, so we need to find out some details.  For instance, are there going to be boys there?  If so, when are they going home? 

Well, come to find out, the boys are spending the night, too.  Granted there’s a mother-in-law house in the back that the boys are "supposed" to sleep in.  But like I said, I know the family and I can’t say they’re the more "alert" when it comes to this type of thing.  So MsGeek and I had to have a long talk… about sex of course :)  And I pointed out to her that the main reason that girls her age have sex is because the opportunity is there.  (I’ll get into this in another post).

She was disappointed, but she understood there was a valid reason for me to say no, so she got over it.

What’s the one thing you do differently as a parent than your folks did?

Suzy's Place is essentially a mommy's blog, hosted by me, Suzy.  Here I share my thoughts and views on life as a mom, being a wife, working at home, and various other insignificant things that happen within my insane life.  If you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it, I encourage you to get your daily dose of insanity by subscribing to my updates!

“16 years old, invited to a party, and Mom just doesn’t understand! It’s so unfair!”

Yes, I have destroyed her Social Life. I have held her back from mingling with peers of her own age. I have ruined everything in her eyes. And when it comes right down to it, it breaks my heart to say no… but I’m going to do it anyway!

It’s not because I don’t trust her. She has a very strong sense of right and wrong. She isn’t rebellious by nature. She’s growing up, and I know that. But before she turns 18, I’m responsible for keeping her safe… body, mind and soul.

How do you explain to a 16-year-old girl that you’ve just “destroyed” that it’s a matter of instinct. I can’t let her go to a party where I have a BAD feeling about the people in charge.

Okay, granted, I think I can be a little paranoid at times, so I connect with other moms. I talk to them. “What do you know about these people holding this party?” When the instinct is coming from other moms too, I can’t ignore it.

So, I have a teenage moping in her room because I won’t let her go to a party. Doesn’t matter that she just came home from one. I’ve just ruined her life. Now I’m singing the Teenager Blues… Got a verse to add?