Suzy’s Place

Preparations have begun as our family starts to plan the Fourth of July festivities. Potatoes are boiling, steaks are marinating, and the buzz in the air is all excitement as the kids anxiously await the fireworks displays.

Holidays for me have always been about family… except this one. Yes, we take advantage of the beautiful weather, spend time with our extended family, cook-out, play games, watch whatever sports the men deem necessary. But this holiday is about more for me. It’s Independence Day.

It seems like a lifetime ago, but it’s only been 8 years. July 4th, 2000 stands out in my mind so clearly, because it was MY independence day. It was my celebration of having broken out of a marriage that had changed me so completely, I was lost in the dark. It was the day I celebrated finding the light again. The day I realized that I was truly free… truly independent.

So while I celebrate with my family, there’s always an added light on this day, Independence Day, as we rejoice in the anniversary of our country’s, and my personal, freedom.

What does Independence Day mean to you?

What a klutz. I’m almost embarrassed by this, but I think we all have those moments, don’t we?

We’re rebuilding the porch steps. It’s been a long time coming and I finally convinced MrJ that it couldn’t be put off any longer.

So MrJ and BamBam are working on the steps, and of course I choose that moment to go and tend to Sally the Duck. As I’m trying to climb around them, I step down into a hole that the lovely dog has left right next to the steps, twist my ankle, and slam my butt into the corner of the steps.

MrJ turns around quickly ready to ream me for hitting him (like I could help that in my not-so-graceful moment). BamBam freezes in shock that Mommy is not as talented as he thought. And MiniMe starts to stutter… wondering if she should open her mouth to ask if I’m okay. All the while I’m not sure if I’m ready to cry because I’m embarrassed or actually hurt.

Now, I have a sprained ankle on the left side and a bruised butt on the right. I can’t walk well and I can’t sit straight… oh those precious moments that our children will probably never let us forget

Got an embarrassing moment you’d like to share?

I have found myself in that precarious position of being “stuck in a rut”. You know the one I mean. That rut that has been so well worn that the side walls reach your neck. I guess that’s what my mom always meant when she said “I’ve had it up to HERE!” with that quick salute-style motion. Well, Mom, I understand.

So how did I get here? That’s the question isn’t it? After all, we don’t create these ruts without a purpose. They don’t just magically appear over night. It takes time to create that well-worn path and have it dig down deep enough to really make it difficult to see beyond it

For me, it’s a combination of too much work, too much tolerance, and self-preservation.

Work is understandable enough. When you work at home, that computer has a way of just pulling you in. You pass by with a glance and notice “Hey, I’ve got mail… I’ll just check it real quick.” That’s all it takes and the computer vacuum just pulls you in and hypnotizes you. When you’re finally able to break the hold you look at the clock and are astonished that it took you two hours to read one email.

In terms of tolerance… I have to admit, I’ve been lacking in the “get your chores done” mantra that should be repeated once every 15 minutes on Saturday morning until the kids complete their designated jobs. Instead, my husband took on the role of chanting that mantra… just not to the kids, he chants it to me, with a slightly different twist… “they better get their chores done!”…

And in comes self-preservation. Hey, I don’t want to be stuck in the middle. So instead of listening to the repeated-mantra, I’ve hidden. Where? Well, work of course!

See the pattern? Work ~> Tolerance ~> Self-Preservation ~> Work ~> Tolerance…

I’m tired. That’s what it comes down to. I want my house back. I want my fun, playful weekends back. I don’t want to be stuck working constantly in an effort to hide. I don’t want to have to hide! And really, my tolerance isn’t going to change much. As long as my husband insists on being the chanter, I will always play the peace-maker. But I can lessen the load and take care of things myself.

So I’m taking it back! I’m taking back my house which seems to have fallen into the hands of my 5-year-old son. I don’t want a living room decorated in Tonka Toys. So I’m taking it back! I don’t want a laundry room that looks like the Girl’s Department just had a 75% off clearance on all merchandise the day after Thanksgiving. So I’m taking it back. And I really don’t want all my time to be focused on working when there’s so much life to be lived. So I’m taking it back!

Ever find yourself in one of those moments where you just KNOW all hell is going to break loose? Every Thursday afternoon, I feel this calm set over me, and force myself to just sit back and “breathe”. Because I KNOW, once 6 o’clock hits, everything and everyone is going to go nuts.

It never fails. Most Thursday evenings you can find me on a webinar coaching our clients on the use of Blog i360.  I do everything possible to be prepared.  My class outline is done on Wednesday, I make sure dinner is ready early and have the kids pick out a movie so everyone is fairly settled before the call starts.

It doesn’t matter.  As soon as I sit at my desk and start putting all the systems on go, the kids decide it’s either time for a wrestling match or a shouting match.  I have IMs popping up from everywhere, "Are you getting started?", "Should I do this?", "I need you to do this for me."

But there’s a time, at about 2pm, when no one is home but me.  I treasure this time with every breath that I have.  Whether it’s sitting on the porch listening to the birds (and frogs) singing their tunes, or stretching out on a hammock with a good book.  I know the storm is coming, so I treasure the calm.

Suzy's Place is essentially a mommy's blog, hosted by me, Suzy.  Here I share my thoughts and views on life as a mom, being a wife, working at home, and various other insignificant things that happen within my insane life.  If you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it, I encourage you to get your daily dose of insanity by subscribing to my updates!