Suzy’s Place

MsGeek and I just got back from meeting with a representative of NMU (that’s Northern Michigan University) to talk about the possibilities of MsGeek heading off to college there.

We still have a year to go, but it’s time to get serious about making these decisions. I’m torn between excitement for her and knowing that my little girl is growing up on me. I’m hoping that I’ve done everything I can to prepare her for the real world, and knowing that a year is not enough to catch everything I may have missed.

I’m happy and sad and excited and scared… and I can’t show it all. I want her to be excited. I want her to be pumped about the whole idea and I want to do everything I can to support her. But she’ll be so far away!

Aren’t these milestones bittersweet?

Confess!  Go ahead!  We all do it! If you're a parent, when your first child was born, you swore you wouldn't be like your parents.  Hey, I admit it.  I did the same thing.  My parents drove me crazy at times, and there were very specific things that I swore I wouldn't do.

The first thing that comes to mind is the "Because I said so!"  I admit, I've done it.  It just gets to the point that you don't have an answer that a 5 year old will find logical.  So we revert to that ever handy declaration that I'm the boss, and you're not, so just listen to me!

Another thing I decided to do differently was to have a reason before I just said no.  And as MsGeek and MiniMe reach their teen years and have more going on in their lives than I do, I find this one a challenge at times.  Am I saying no simply because I'm too tired or lazy to deal with the logistics of hauling a group of their friends to the movies?  Or is there a real reason buried in there? 

I take this one pretty seriously and think before I say no.  They still  don't like the "no" answer, but I think this strategy really helps in minimizing the rebellion.  I usually have good reasons when I do say no, and it's not just "because I said so."

For instance, MsGeek wants to go to a sleep-over birthday party for her friend who is turning 16.  Well, I know her friend and her family, so we need to find out some details.  For instance, are there going to be boys there?  If so, when are they going home? 

Well, come to find out, the boys are spending the night, too.  Granted there’s a mother-in-law house in the back that the boys are "supposed" to sleep in.  But like I said, I know the family and I can’t say they’re the more "alert" when it comes to this type of thing.  So MsGeek and I had to have a long talk… about sex of course :)  And I pointed out to her that the main reason that girls her age have sex is because the opportunity is there.  (I’ll get into this in another post).

She was disappointed, but she understood there was a valid reason for me to say no, so she got over it.

What’s the one thing you do differently as a parent than your folks did?

Suzy's Place is essentially a mommy's blog, hosted by me, Suzy.  Here I share my thoughts and views on life as a mom, being a wife, working at home, and various other insignificant things that happen within my insane life.  If you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it, I encourage you to get your daily dose of insanity by subscribing to my updates!

I wanted to take this opportunity to not only honor all mothers everywhere, but to also send a special thanks to my mom.

As a single mother raising two daughters, I can only imagine how hard it was for her, especially in an age where divorce was strongly frowned upon and dysfunctional wasn’t a common term.  But she never let it show.  I saw a woman who not only had it together, but knew how to keep it together.  She worked hard, but always had time for us.

She taught me the difference between being independent and being a martyr.  When I first started dating I remember her telling me, "Make sure you have enough money to pay your own way, but let him pay if he offers."  I learned that I had the ability to stand on my own two feet, but that I didn’t always have to.  I learned that asking for help wasn’t a sign of dependence, but fulfilling a need.

I also learned from her the value of being myself.  Shortly after I was divorced from the Navy, my girls and I had gone to visit like we did every Sunday.  We were sitting around laughing and talking, and my mom came over and hugged me and said, "Welcome back, I’ve really missed you."  That was one of the most profound moments of my life.  Until that moment I hadn’t realized how much of myself I had lost during my marriage, and I learned how likable I really was.

My mom has always been my role model.  The one person I strived to emulate most of my life.  When I was little I would play in my room "running my office" just like I had seen her doing at work.  With my children now, I do everything I can to make sure we have quality time together, just like she did when we were younger.  I speak to my children openly and honestly about everything, just like my mom did with me.

She has been an inspiration to me all my life, and I can only hope that I show my appreciation more often than just this one time of year.  Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

I have found myself in that precarious position of being “stuck in a rut”. You know the one I mean. That rut that has been so well worn that the side walls reach your neck. I guess that’s what my mom always meant when she said “I’ve had it up to HERE!” with that quick salute-style motion. Well, Mom, I understand.

So how did I get here? That’s the question isn’t it? After all, we don’t create these ruts without a purpose. They don’t just magically appear over night. It takes time to create that well-worn path and have it dig down deep enough to really make it difficult to see beyond it

For me, it’s a combination of too much work, too much tolerance, and self-preservation.

Work is understandable enough. When you work at home, that computer has a way of just pulling you in. You pass by with a glance and notice “Hey, I’ve got mail… I’ll just check it real quick.” That’s all it takes and the computer vacuum just pulls you in and hypnotizes you. When you’re finally able to break the hold you look at the clock and are astonished that it took you two hours to read one email.

In terms of tolerance… I have to admit, I’ve been lacking in the “get your chores done” mantra that should be repeated once every 15 minutes on Saturday morning until the kids complete their designated jobs. Instead, my husband took on the role of chanting that mantra… just not to the kids, he chants it to me, with a slightly different twist… “they better get their chores done!”…

And in comes self-preservation. Hey, I don’t want to be stuck in the middle. So instead of listening to the repeated-mantra, I’ve hidden. Where? Well, work of course!

See the pattern? Work ~> Tolerance ~> Self-Preservation ~> Work ~> Tolerance…

I’m tired. That’s what it comes down to. I want my house back. I want my fun, playful weekends back. I don’t want to be stuck working constantly in an effort to hide. I don’t want to have to hide! And really, my tolerance isn’t going to change much. As long as my husband insists on being the chanter, I will always play the peace-maker. But I can lessen the load and take care of things myself.

So I’m taking it back! I’m taking back my house which seems to have fallen into the hands of my 5-year-old son. I don’t want a living room decorated in Tonka Toys. So I’m taking it back! I don’t want a laundry room that looks like the Girl’s Department just had a 75% off clearance on all merchandise the day after Thanksgiving. So I’m taking it back. And I really don’t want all my time to be focused on working when there’s so much life to be lived. So I’m taking it back!